


I'll Be Home For Christmas

by Fatebegins



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angsty Schmoop, Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Holidays, Kid Fic, M/M, Marriage, Married Couple, Past-Mpreg, Soldiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatebegins/pseuds/Fatebegins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time and all Jamie Ackles wants is for his Daddy to come home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Home For Christmas

  
  
“I understand.” Jared replies staring at the slate blue wall of his bedroom.  
  
The wall opposite is covered in pictures of their little family. Their wedding day, a ridiculous photo of Jensen squeezing the hell out of him when they’d found out Jared was pregnant with Jamie, Jamie chubby and happy displaying his first tooth and finally their new addition, eight month old Evan.  
  
“I know that I promised, and I thought we had the go ahead-”  
  
“I said I understand.” Jared can’t count how many times he’s had to say those words before. How many times he didn’t mean them.  
  
At least Jared has something to look at as he tries to keep his voice level. Realistically, he knows it’s not Jensen’s fault but it still hurts. Even more so now because the holidays are right around the corner.  
  
Alone, Jared watches all of his friends plan Christmas together. Some how it’s even worse now because he doesn’t even have Chad anymore, not really. His best friend had finally lassoed the cowboy he’d been pining after since high school. They hadn‘t wasted any time; married six months ago and Chad‘s five months pregnant now. They’re in the cute stage of love were everything comes up roses, Jared himself never had that. Two months after he and Jensen got married, the president declared war and Jensen was shipped out three weeks later.  
  
“If I could be there…” Jensen’s stationed in Iraq and although the war had “ended“, soldiers were still over seas. Jensen one of them. His request for leave has been denied.  
  
Jared struggles to not feel resentful. He’s heard this so many time before. “It’s okay, it’ll just be me and the boys; it’s not like I didn’t know what I was signing up for.”  
  
“Jared.” Jensen sounds pained and Jared feels like a tool for hurting him.  
  
This is hard on Jensen especially, he’s away from his kids and his family, fighting a war that will never seem to end.  
  
“That was stupid to say, I‘m sorry.” Jared presses the heel of his hand against his eyes, trying to keep in the burning tears that are threatening to overflow. “I just. It’s hard because it’s Evan’s first Christmas.”  
  
“I know, I wish I was there for him.”  
  
Unbidden a smile spreads on Jared‘s face. “He’s getting so big, sitting up on his own now.”  
  
“I saw that in the last photo; he has your dimples and his eyes turned green-just like you said.” There’s a warmth in Jensen’s voice and it nearly covers up the sadness. “Can’t wait to see him.”  
  
They both fall silent, Jared wants Jensen there for Evan’s first Christmas more than anything. He wants Jamie to have his Dad and to wake up bright and happy on Christmas, not sullen and angry like last year.  
  
“He misses you.” Jensen hasn’t been home in over six months, truthfully all Evan knows of him is a face in the computer screen and even then he’s more interested in pounding the keyboard. Jared still hopes that they can have normal. He hopes that one day-  
  
“I have to go.” Jensen says quietly. “Remember that I love you.”  
  
“I know; I love you, too.”  
  
The moment the dial tone sounds, Jared drops his cell unto the bedspread, curling in on himself. He has to be happy for the kids, is always conscious not to let Jamie see how affected he is, not when it's so obvious their son misses his Dad too.  
  
But for now he’s on his own, Evan’s asleep and Jamie’s watching cartoons downstairs, for now he can break before he has to be strong again. Jared allows himself a cry, too lost in his own grief to notice his six year old watching him at the slightly open door.  
  
***  
  
Jamie Ackles is on the nice list this year.  
  
He’s made sure of that.  
  
When Papa tells him to do his chores-putting out water for Harley and Sadie- he does it. Some chores he doesn’t even have to be told to do. He tries to make his bed and keep his room neat, picks up all his toys every night. Even his teacher told Papa he was a ‘bright’ boy. Jamie’s not sure what that means but it must be good because afterwards Papa had brought him a chocolate ice cream cone with extra sprinkles and taken him to the park; just the two of them.  
  
And Jamie is also a very good big brother.  
  
He doesn’t particularly like Evan- still thinks the dogs are way cooler than that little blob of grabby hands and stinky diapers, but he’s warming up to him. He can smell really nice after his bath and the other day he offered him half of his cookie. It was soggy so Jamie declined, but it was a nice gesture and Jamie thinks they can be pals after all. Jamie makes sure Evan doesn’t hurt himself when he crawls around the floor crazily. He pulls funny faces to make him laugh and even when Evan pulls his hair he isn’t mean to him.  
  
All year, Jamie had worked to be nice, took to heart that Santa knew when he was sleeping and he knew when he was awake. Daddy had told him to be a good little soldier when he left and Jamie’s tried very hard to listen.  
  
All his effort comes to a head when Papa lifts him unto Santa’s lap. They’d waited in a long line, with lots of other children until finally it was their turn.  
  
“Have you been a good boy this year?” Santa asks.  
  
“Yes!” Jamie nods vigorously before he smiles for the camera. He knows Papa likes to have these pictures. “I have been really, really good.”  
  
“He has.” Papa vouches proudly and Jamie puffs out his chest with glee. A grown up had said he was good; there was no way Santa would deny him now.  
  
“Aren’t you enthusiastic.” Santa has kind blue eyes, and he bounces Jamie on his knee. “Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”  
  
Evan starts to cry then and Papa turns away, which is good because Jamie doesn’t want him to hear anyway. It’s a surprise for Papa as well.  
  
“Hold that thought Jamie.” His Papa instructs but Jamie doesn’t pay him any mind. As soon as his back is turned he leans up and tries to whisper in Santa’s ear.  
  
He’s too little so Santa leans down, smiling all the way. “Yes?”  
  
“For Christmas,” Jamie says very slowly and clearly; he has to get this right. “I want my Daddy to come home.”  
  
Santa blinks back at him in surprise. “ Is there…is your daddy somewhere far?”  
  
Jamie nods, tries to remember. “He’s over the water fighting bad guys. I want him to come home so my Papa will be happy.”  
  
“Is your daddy a soldier?”  
  
“Yup,” That was it. “He’s a hero!”  
  
Santa doesn't look too comfortable anymore and Jamie starts to worry when he exchanges a look with an elf. Jamie’s sure they’re just worried about how to make it happen in the toy factory. He can help them.  
  
“Santa, you don’t have to build a plane to get him; there are lots of planes already; use one of those, okay? You can go get him right? You can do anything.”  
  
“Uhm...Is there something _you_ want? Not for your Papa?”  
  
“That is what _I_ want, too.” Why wasn’t Santa getting it? “I want my Daddy.”  
  
There’s a long moment of silence and the elf standing behind Santa coughs.  
  
“I don’t think...I’m not sure. If that’s not possible...” Santa’s smile looks sad now and his blue eyes have lost their twinkle. “But if you had to pick something else? What else would you want? Maybe a new toy or a brand-”  
  
“All done, sweetie?” Papa turns back to them, Evan no longer crying but looking like a scrunchy faced old man as he glares around them. “Did you tell Santa what you wanted?”  
  
Suddenly, Jamie just feels cold.  
  
He hops off of Santa’s lap quickly, almost tripping on his laces. “I’m done.”  
  
“Wait,” Papa grabs the candy cane and the photo the elf is offering. “What did you ask for?”  
  
“Nothing.” Jamie mutters and even though he knows it's bad he keeps running even after Papa calls his name and tells him to stop.  
  
What’s the point now anyway?  
  
***  
  
Jared’s surprised at how moody Jamie’s been. The trip to the mall was just the beginning. After they got home, Jamie went straight to his room until dinner. And then at dinner he barely touched his plate, choosing to push his macaroni and cheese around although it’s his favorite.  
  
Assuming that his son’s mood would brighten after his scheduled skype session with Jensen, Jared just let it slide. Jamie just probably missed Jensen. He’d noticed a lot of fathers with their children today. It didn’t matter if the kids had two daddies or a mommy and daddy; there had barely been any child with just one parent.  
  
Except for them.  
  
The skype session doesn’t help.  
  
Midway through Jensen telling him about a giant sword he got to confiscate Jamie bursts into tears and tells Jensen he really misses him and he really wants to play cowboys and Indians with him. Jensen looks shocked, green eyes going wide as helplessness floods his face.  
  
Jared is horrified. Jamie’s never cried like this, Jared forgets sometimes that his little boy is just that; a little boy, one who rarely gets to see his Dad. He’s at that age were he idolizes Jensen above all else. After a couple minutes of Jensen speaking to him, Jamie calms down, tears becoming silent as he presses his face against Jared‘s side. He refuses to look at Jensen again and they disconnect the call after several aborted attempts at cheer.  
  
Now, a few hours later, Jared is letting Jamie watch cartoons and have a candy bar. They’re sitting in Jensen’s lay-z-boy, Jamie wedged up against his side and wrapped in a brown afghan.  
  
“Jamie-Jam, ” Jared touches his forehead, “Are you feelin’ sick?”  
  
“No.” Jamie moves away and continues to stare at the television where Spongebob is driving Mr. Krab crazy.  
  
“Okay.” Jared shuts the television off after a few more minutes he can‘t take it anymore. “You know the rules, talk to me.”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“If it’s nothing than why have you been so angry all day?” When he’s ignored, Jared jostles him gently. “Jamie?”  
  
“I want Daddy.” Jamie’s voice is tiny and Jared’s heart clenches in his chest. “I miss him.”  
  
“I know.” Jared kisses his forehead. “He misses you so much too.”  
  
“Then why can’t he just come back? Not for always but just for Christmas at least.”  
  
“Because he has to protect everyone.” It’s a speech Jared’s rehearsed many times but it never gets easier to say. “He works very hard so we can all be safe.”  
  
When Jamie remains silent, Jared struggles to make it better. “Tell you what, we’ll go back to the mall and you can get to see Santa two times.”  
  
“No!” Jamie jerks away. “Don’t like him.”  
  
“What?“ Jared’s surprised as the censure in his tone. “Santa is supposed to make you happy-”  
  
“He made me sad.”  
  
Jared freezes, he‘d only turned his back for a second. “What happened?”  
  
“I asked him for my present and he said he couldn’t do it.” Jared grimaces at the coldness in his son’s voice. He’s too young to be talking like this. “I don’t like him at all.”  
  
Jared sighs, Jamie must’ve asked for something really expensive and Santa thought he was doing Jared a favor by denying him outright. “Baby, you can ask Santa for anything you want.”  
  
“I can?”  
  
“Yeah, of course.” At the hopeful look on his little face Jared vows to buy whatever Jamie asks for, even if he has to max out his credit card. He’s been very brave for the past year, trying to help Jared around the house and with Evan even though he is so young himself. “He was probably just feeling tired today and wasn’t sure if he could do it, but I’m sure by now he has. Just write him a letter and we’ll mail it directly to the North Pole and explain that you really need it.”  
  
“Really? Can I ask Uncle Chad to help me write it?”  
  
“I can’t help you?”  
  
“No.” Jamie shakes his head, a smile finally breaks across his face. “But you’ll see on Christmas!”  
  
***  
  
Days later, the house is full of music and laughter, Katie baking endless batches of sugar and ginger bread cookies, Jamie hounding after her and burning his fingers on gooey chocolate. Jared’s grateful for the chaos; it fills him up makes him feel less hollow, less aware of the empty space. Evan loves the energy, bouncing in his swing and coaxing Harley over only so he can tip his bottle filled with juice over Harley’s snout much to Jared’s exasperation.  
  
They’ve spent the entire day decorating the house. Christian comes by after one, bringing them a stout Douglas Fir that Jared and Jamie decorate in multicolored lights and shiny, plastic ornaments. Chad is supposed to be helping them but almost immediately after arriving, his best friend plops down on the couch and eats popcorn instead of stringing it. Chad’s really starting to show and the guy flaunts it, balancing the bowl atop his stomach as he tries to turn Jamie’s enthusiasm into slave labor. Whenever Jamie bounces near him, Chad asks for a different snack from the kitchen. When Jared grumbles about him being lazy, Chad just grins and says ‘his husband’ will do his work for him. To Jared’s surprise, Christian doesn’t protest just continues to give Chad moon eyes  
  
Jared’s just put Evan down for his nap when Chad barges into his room, loud as ever.  
  
“Dude, sh!” Jared pushes him out the nursery. “You wake him and you’re dead.”  
  
“That’s no way to treat a pregnant person!”  
  
“Well, you’ll understand when your baby gets here just how precious nap time is.”  
  
“I will. I totally will.” The words end on a dreamy sigh and Jared rolls his eyes but he’s happy for Chris and Chad, it’s taken them a long time to get their shit together.  
  
“So what did you want to say to me?”  
  
“Oh.” Most of the happiness seeps out of his face and Chad holds up a letter written in red crayon. “This.”  
  
“Jamie’s letter to Santa? How expensive is it?”  
  
“Not very.”  
  
“Then what?” Jared takes the letter and at the first line his heart sinks.  
  
_Dear Santa, I have been really good this year. All I want for Christmas is my Daddy to come home. My papa is sad and I don’t want him to cry no more._  
  
Choked up, Jared drops the letter unto the hall table. “He wrote this?”  
  
Chad nods, “I had to help him spell most of it- but yeah.”  
  
Jared doesn’t know what to say.  
  
***  
  
Coward.  
  
Jared is a coward.  
  
It’s been nearly a week and he hasn’t had that talk with his son that he promised himself he would. Instead he’d tucked an excited Jamie in, told him a story and insisted that if he didn’t sleep Santa wouldn’t come. It’s Christmas Eve, nearing midnight and Christmas day and he’s wrapping a shit ton of presents, hoping that Jamie isn’t too devastated in the morning.  
  
Hopefully the brand new Wii will help.  
  
If not, Jensen had promised to call and wish the kids a Merry Christmas.  
  
Jared’s halfway through eating the chocolate chip cookies they’d made for Santa when he hears it. The heavy thud of footsteps outside the window. His pulse kicks up just a bit. It’s a mess outside, whirling snow making everyone stay home and Jared isn’t expecting anyone.  
  
A prickle of fear runs down his spine; there have been a series of break ins lately.  
  
Careful not to make any noise, Jared grabs the poker from the fireplace, gripping the iron tight. The front door creaks open and Jared curses his stupidity, how many times did Jensen tell him not to keep the spare key under the welcome mat; it was so obvious. But no, Jared had to laugh at him, say there was no crime in Cherry Hill.  
  
The front door shuts with a loud click and Jared creeps around the corner, breath catching when he catches sight of a tall shadowy figure lurking near the door.  
  
Jared’s preparing to just charge at the guy- his babies are upstairs- when the burglar flicks the light on. Jared drops the poker, surprise momentarily paralyzing him.  
  
“Jen!” Jared squeaks out, blinking. He’s sure he must be dreaming but no matter how long he stares, Jensen is still there, dressed in his tan and green army fatigues.  
  
“Hey.” Jensen smiles at him, teeth gleaming white as he whips off his hat, sending melting snow to the floor. “Gonna kiss me hello?” He speaks like it hasn’t been half a year, like he’s always been there. His smile is the same as when they met, easy and fulfilling making Jared’s heart race.  
  
Jared’s running to him before he can even process, socks sliding against the tile before Jensen catches him and hugs him tightly. Almost frantic, Jared angles his head to accept Jensen’s seeking kiss, mouth opening hungrily for the slick push of his tongue. It’s their first in in seven months.  
  
“I missed you so much.” Jared manages between kisses. “How are you? How can you? I thought you weren’t-oh I don’t care.” Jared presses his mouth to the lips he’s missed so much, reveling in the plush sweetness and the answering curve of a smile.  
  
“You missed me so much you were planning on knocking me out with the poker?”  
  
“Shut up.” Jared laughs, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jensen’s smile. “You scared me, thought you were a burglar.”  
  
“In Cherry Hill?” Jensen mock gasps, green eyes bright and God, Jared‘s missed that smile, the slight crinkles at the corner of his eyes.  
  
“Idiot.” Another kiss and then he‘s tugging him forward. “How did you get here?”  
  
“I’m not sure myself, my commander called me down and said that my leave had gone through at the last minute-”  
  
“Don’t care.” Jared can’t even bring himself to listen he’s so happy. “Just so glad you’re here, love you so much; missed you so much.”  
  
“I’m glad, too.” Jensen moves away, grinning when Jared protests. “Jamie damn near broke my heart when I saw him cry. Thought I‘d go crazy.”  
  
“He wrote Santa a letter, asking for you to come home, I didn’t know what I was going to say to him…” Jared leans forward, rests his head against Jensen’s shoulder. “He’s going to be so happy-”  
  
“DADDY!” There’s a loud shriek of pure joy. “I knew it!” Jamie runs across the living room, throws his arms around Jensen’s legs and hugs him tightly. “ I knew Santa would bring you home!”  
  
“Jamie!” Jensen scoops him up, throwing him into the air and causing more loud laughter. “Merry Christmas.”  
  
“Merry Christmas, Daddy.” Jamie grabs unto Jensen’s neck and squeezes him tightly. Jared smiles, feels tears pricking at the back of his eyes. It’s been so long since he’s seen his son so happy.  
  
Leaving Jensen with Jamie, Jared heads up stairs quickly, pushes open the door to the nursery. Evan’s fast asleep, blue blanket pulled up over his red plaid Christmas pajamas. Gently, Jared lifts him up. His little prince gets grumpy when he’s awoken early but Jared is going to make an exception. Evan gives a restless little sound, hand moving up to grab a tuft of his curly brown hair before he closes his eyes again.  
  
When Jared gets back downstairs, Jamie is sitting on Jensen’s lap, a bright present in his hands. He’s shaking it excitedly all the while telling Jensen all the things he thinks are inside. Jensen’s watching him indulgently, smile plastered to his face, blonds heads close together.  
  
“Someone else wants to see you.” Jared calls out as he walks over to Jensen’s side, kneels down and places Evan in the crook of the arm not occupied by Jamie.  
  
“Wow.” Jensen holds him gingerly, Evan comes fully awake then, little mouth turning down into a frown. “Thought you said he was big.”  
  
“No, Evan’s a baby, Daddy.” Jamie supplies helpfully. “He’s little.”  
  
“I know.” Jensen brushes a kiss over Jamie’s forehead. “But it’s all new to me. Haven’t held a baby this small since you Jamie-Jam.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen smile is tinged with some sadness but then it disappears when Jared puts his arm around him. “He’s beautiful, looks just like you, Jay.”  
  
Jared rolls his eyes but he can feel the warm blush on his cheeks. He’s happy that his family is all together, that Jamie is grinning like a maniac but he kind of also wants to fast forward to when the kids are asleep.  
  
The look Jensen gives him, full of heat when Jared’s shirt rides up a bit, let’s Jared know Jensen feels the same.  
  
“Daddy, could we open just one?”  
  
Glancing at the clock, Jared replies. “Well, its technically Christmas now anyway.”  
  
With a little cheer, Jamie scrambles over to the biggest box and starts to rip at the paper. Jared gladly takes his place near Jensen, resting his head on his shoulder. “So glad you’re here.”  
  
“I have a present for you.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“This was my last tour.” Jensen turns his head to grin at him. “You’re stuck with me for good this time. Just you, me and our boys.”  
  
Jared’s waited so long to hear him say that, never really thought he would. “I’m happy to be stuck with you.” It’s truly the best Christmas ever.

**Author's Note:**

> feed back is <3


End file.
